Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm I Missing Something Important?

I had another post half-written about a concern that is nowhere near where I am at this stage of my career (green-assed rookie!), but then I thought of something that eats at me in the present.

One of the best times for me to write is after my girls have gone to bed. I have my little ritual of brewing up a coffee and putting on an instrumental-music podcast, and just going where the muses take me for an hour or so. My problem is that I feel a little guilty about my wife going to bed alone.

Don’t get me wrong; she is 100% supportive of my writing, and I’m sure that she’s quite alright with going to bed alone a few times a week. We communicate well, and we have a solid marriage, but I’m concerned that I may be missing some critical bonding time. Date nights and other events are great for relationship-building, but nothing beats the day-to-day interactions.

I believe that many of you have been married longer than I have (4 ½ years), so I’m wondering just how critical that pre-sleep time is.


  1. Depends on what you do with it!
    If it's just to go to bed, I'm asleep right away anyway. If you're spending quality time elsewhere, don't worry about it.

  2. I was married for 35 years I think a little bit of "Space" is good.I wasn't writing while my husband was was only after he was gone I found I could bear my soul into poetry.
    He always went to bed before me as I too liked to have a relaxing read and listen to some music......that too was in the days before Daniel O Donnell. As long as your wife is happy with the situation then that's all that matters.Don't feel guilty I'm sure she would soon let you know if she didn't like it.

  3. I get a similar thing - I usually goto bed an hour or so afterwards (usually catching up on blogging/commenting) and I do worry that I'm spending too much time 'away'. Though like Alex, as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm out for the night. Just be sure that you feel you spend enough time with her during the day and you'll feel like you've earned your night-time writing time.

  4. When writing things are going right, I tend to pull all night writing sessions so my significant other (of fifteen years) often ends up going to bed alone and sleeping alone. And then we cross paths when I'm going to bed at 7am and he's leaving for work.

    But so far, it seems to be working for us.

  5. My other half is very much a night owl, while I'm in bed by ten! I've got used to heading to bed alone. :)

  6. Don't worry about what other people do - if this arrangement is good for your writing and isn't upsetting your wife then there's nothing wrong with it. Very few of us have as much writing time as we'd like so we're always making compromises.

  7. My wife is a morning person. I am a night person. It's just the way it's always been. The benefit is that we each get time to ourselves - to write, to read or whatever. It's worked for the first 13 years of living together.

  8. I go to bed before my husband most nights, and it works out okay for us. When we do go to bed together, he usually wants to talk for a bit. So, I'm with everyone else: what matters is what you do with it. If you're spending the evenings that she goes to bed before you getting some writing done, and taking advantage of the times when you go to bed together to do the talking or cuddling or whatever... then obviously the arrangement is working for you. No need to feel guilty!